What Is It You Can't Face?

A queer boyband ambassador and a WASPY housewife walk into a bar...

We'd like to introduce you to our musical-comedy podcast, 'What Is It You Can't Face?'. (Imagine that super awkward story you told your best friend, punctuated with parody songs about female ej%culation, period cups and upper lip hair.) In Season 1 of this comedy series, a queer, hipster, boy-band ambassador Dara teaches WASPY suburban mum Sarah (and all the other housewives wandering around Westfields) about sex and the female body via a series of absurd and super-awkward stories. ​ ​Their only similarity is a childhood bathed in luxury and an adulthood absent of the fame and fortune their over-indulgent parents promised them. ​ ​Over-privileged and under-recognised, these girls are self-professed 'celebrities in waiting'.... but while they wait, they may as well talk about vaginas. ​ In Season 2, we deliver the educational training module "HOW TO BE FAMOUS", a masterclass in the art of being different types of celebrities, taught by celebrities. BECOME A PATRON! Support us by becoming a patron of our show. Only a few dollars and you are in the club! https://www.patreon.com/rss/youcantfacepodcast?auth=YpOGB7cAYPLhceVAjeg2ApCpFKCDHkam FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK @YouCantFace IG @ YouCantFace YOUTUBE You Can't Face Podcast EMAIL youcantfacepodcast@gmail.com

Once again we find ourselves in a share-house in a quiet, leafy suburban street, where secret and strange things occur in the vaginal area.


Dara had discovered a business card in a grocery store offering 'Yoni Mapping Therapy', which Sarah believes is the hipster version of a lady rub 'n' tug.


This expensive exploration involves the 'Bear Grills of Fannies' delving deep into the unknown recesses of your privates to unearth secret memories that are apparently kept hidden in your bits. Just imagine a truffle pig working it's magic. But this truffle pig is working in a sharehouse and charging $400.


Please enjoy the story of how Dara discovered her vagina is a rich, vivid storyteller.


#sexualrevolution2018 #justprodit #newagerubntug #honouryourself #shewasntaprostitute #doesyouryonihaveastory #sharehouse

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This week Sarah introduces her new segment 'Do You Ever', before sharing the extreme health warnings she receives from her mother on a daily basis.

If you're not afraid of sunshine, Legionnaire's Disease or Syphilis, you bloody well should be....according to Jen Jen.

Then, we hear from 'gifted & talented' class mate Dara who shares the world's biggest branding fuck up.

The lesson? Always run through your brand pitch in racist accents to avoid embarrassment.

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Many years ago, deep in the heart of San Francisco, an earnest and barely-out Dara pitched an exchange; free board at the filthy hostel The Green Tortoise in return for brand strategy services.

Diving into her branding role with gusto, Dara creates her first video clip for the hostel, titled ‘What the Tortoise Taught Us’. It is deemed a ‘success’ and attracts budding lyricists from the remaining bunkbeds.

Dara is then invited to produce an original track penned by one of her bunkmates; ‘The Strawberry Song’.

She proceeds to create an upbeat, melodic backing track, harmonies and a video clip for a song which she believes is about a bowl of strawberries.

Blinded by her own innate talents for musicality, Dara sends this video to family and friends.

It is, in fact, a highly graphic, lesbian sex song.

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The girls revisit the horrors of shaving your upper lip for laser hair removal; a temporary hitch in the laser process means Dara is currently sporting a temporary beard.


Dara gets excited about getting famous but tells Sarah we can’t use our original podcast title because it sounds like we are saying c%nt instead of can’t. Sarah hates the idea so Dara sings her an apology inspired by Take That.


Dara explains why you should never use a Mooncup during your menstrual cycle. This is a horrific story. You have been warned.


Follow Us: Facebook @YouCantFace

Youtube: You Cant Face Podcast

Contact Us: youcantfacepodcast@gmail.com


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Warning. This podcast contains strong language and adult themes. This podcast is not suitable for children under the age of 15 or office workers who create and then laminate passive aggressive kitchen signs.


The Differences Between Us; One spent her weekend wandering around Westfield with every other mother in Doncaster, a shell of herself trying to recharge with a latte and an impulse purchase from Seed. The other attended a female ejaculation workshop.


These are their stories.

#stainlesssteel #thecreep #pappose


Find us on Facebook @YouCantFace

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